When a parent misuses or abuses alcohol, it can have a profound effect on the whole family. Being a child in an alcoholic family system means learning to relate to the world and the people in it in ways that are not necessarily healthy or adaptive.
If you are a child of an alcoholic, then your emotional and psychological well-being may have been affected.
Is this you? You are not alone!Do you want to talk about this?
Call or email a Student Support Coordinator today |
Life is all about choices. Some choices we make and other choices are made for us. In families of alcoholics many unhealthy choices are made that effect the children. These choices have very bad effects on the children that grow up in these homes. Unlike their parents, who choose to abuse alcohol, these children have no choice in the craziness that occurs within their households. Their life is filled with uncertainty, lack of boundaries and lack of structure. It is no wonder that these children grow up with emotional issues that cripple their healthy development and leave them susceptible to becoming alcoholics
|
The alcoholic family has been described broadly as one of chaos, inconsistency, unpredictability, unclear roles, impulsiveness, changing limits, arguments, repetitious and illogical thinking, and perhaps violence and incest.
The family is dominated by the presence and the denial of alcoholism. The alcoholism becomes a major family secret, most often denied inside the family and certainly denied to outsiders.
|
Claudia Black, a leading author and theorist has identified three rules in alcoholic homes:
1 Don’t trust. In alcoholic families, promises are often forgotten, celebrations cancelled and parents’ moods unpredictable. As a result, children of alcoholics learn to not count on others and often have a hard time believing that others can care enough to follow through on their commitments.
2. Don’t feel. Due to the constant pain of living with an alcoholic, a child in an alcoholic family must "quit feeling" in order to survive. After all, what’s the use of hurting all the time? In these families, when emotions are expressed, they are often abusive, and prompted by drunkenness. These outbursts have no positive result and, along with the drinking, are usually denied the following day. Thus, children of alcoholics have had few if any opportunities to see emotions expressed appropriately and used to foster constructive change. "So," the child thinks, "Why feel anything when the feelings will only get out of control and won’t change anything anyway? I don’t want to hurt more than I already do."
3. Don’t talk. Children of alcoholics learn in their families not to talk about a huge part of their reality - drinking. This results from the family’s need to deny that a problem exists and that drinking is tied to that problem. That which is so evident must not be spoken aloud. There is often an unspoken hope that if no one mentions the drinking it won’t happen again. Also, there is no good time to talk. It is impossible to talk when a parent is drunk. When that parent is sober, everyone wants to forget. From this early training, children often develop a tendency to not talk about anything unpleasant.
|
